Toddler groups and the benefits for us.

Toddler groups and the benefits for us.

So I’m sure everyone has heard of or been to a toddler group?

My first experience was awful, I was so scared, waiting out side looking in through the window at all these mums chatting away to each other and I just thought. Ow hell no this isn’t for me. It looked so clicky. I and was completely out of my comfort zone. I thought they all look like they know exactly what it’s all about, and just had maternal wrote all over them. Were would I fit in organic mums… Nope… breast feeding mums… Nope …. The confident mums…. Nope…. The pristine mums…. Definitely not!…. The quite mums…. Nope im far to loud for those… But… I don’t want anyone to know I’m loud and actually quite strange! Then no one will like me at all!…the mums that are clicky…. Don’t even bother… I Keep scanning…. Aha the mums that are sitting around a small area in the corner over there with there under 9 months…. Ok so I timidly go over place my self and my baby on the floor. It was packed and everyone looked like they had there shit together.

So about 30 mins into my first ever uncomftable experience of toddler group, and no one speaking to me I thought OK I’ll strike up a conversation with that lady there… So hear goes…. “Ow high, so what’s your little girls name.” she looked me dead in the eye and said “he is a boy!” absolutely brilliant I thought… is this really happening, God just take me now why don’t you! The next thing you know theres a child pulling at my baby’s hair is if he’s looking for milk. My baby’s screaming. The mum looked me in the face and said nothing, literally nothing she was as cold as ice nothing. I just could not believe it. So up I got baby in tow gathering all my belongings up and didn’t come back!

6 months later however when severe ocd and anxiety was setting in for me and I barely left the house these days. I thought let’s give it another go. I said to my self, it’s not for me it’s for my baby and that was my drive.

So fast forward almost 3 years later and play groups have been my saviour! We have gone every day to a different toddler group Mon-Fri for 3 years now, they become my happy place. I have made so many friends and was unexpectedly surprised at just how much we are all in the same boat, even the organic mums are winging it.

When things were difficult for me in the early days and I started suspecting some thing wasnt quite right with my baby, these mums were my shoulder to cry on, people I could vent to, and all of a sudden there were other mums that had been through the same as me before and I went to them for advice, someone who knew exactly how I was feeling, they were my voice of reason, my strength and my calm. The people who ran the toddler groups become my friends and they had mine and my child’s best interests at heart, people that really cared about my parenting journey. I loved the versatility of all these people who’s paths would never normally cross but we all have something in common our children/grandchildren, and that has brought us all close together and with that you learn so much about others.

Blakes development has probably been catapulted forward through having to socialise and enteract with other children. It’s given him so much confidence. He will just go and get stuck straight in. He loves arts and crafts and groups have given him the access to show me what he is capable of doing, he is an extremely creative little boy.

Our days would have been long lonely, boring and probably full of sadness and depression, if I had of let one person ruin it for me that first time of going, building friendships takes time but once you do these people will play a huge role in yours and your child’s life. Give it a go and don’t let one bad experience ruin it for you because it could be one of the best things you do for you and your child’s development.

Positive Autism only!

Positive Autism only!

So as a mum of a little boy who has autism, the Internet has to be one of the most depressing places to get information re autism. It seems everywhere you turn asd is spoken about in such a negative way. Now I’m not saying that as parents we won’t face many challenges parenting our special baby’s, there’s been many of days I’ve cried, felt lost, alone, frustrated, guilty, fed up and just at the end of my tether, but…. What I have noticed from these type of days is nothing good comes from it not for us and not for our children.

I only get stuff don’t when I’m being pro active, positive and focused. I don’t want to be surrounded by negative thoughts about autism or listening to how hard and awful parenting ASD children is. I want to see a change. I want people to know it is not all doom and gloom, far from it! My little boy has to be one of the funniest, querky 3 year old out there. He speaks in a russian/American accent even though he is from the UK. He speaks about him self in the third person. He climbed on his dad’s lap today put his bum in his face and farted and killed him self laughing after so did I and so did his Dad. Its hallarious. He is possibly one of the rudest people I have ever met (I mean this in the most loving and humourous way, just for the people that might actually think I dislike my own son lol) . Going as far as pushing your face out of his way with his hand if you dare to enter his space to ask him a question while he is watching his programmes on tv, no eye contact no engagement just a blatant purposful hand shove to the face! Surely you have to find the humour in a 3 year old as rude as this lol.

He is most definitely mostly full of playfulness and typical cheeky 3 year old mischief.

Now we could get enraged and say that’s rude, he won’t listen, he is naughty. Again this is not going to stop him doing this. Autism is a social disability and they have their whole lives to grasp that this behaviour could be slightly frowned upon come their 20s when they shove their boss’s face out of the way when he asks them to stay at work and do overtime every weekend because suzy sick note hasn’t turned up again. Or maybe these behaviours will go on to be a blessing in disguise. I know there’s been many a times I’ve said yes to something which inside I’m so angry at my self for saying yes. When maybe a simple face push would of stopped me feeling so shit that I’ve now yet again agreed to work my 8th weekend on the trot!

He thinks of him self as a real comedian. Running about laughing with his pants on his head.

So no matter what the situation, my blogs will be positive. We all need more positivity in our lives and I want to see more positive stuff about autism. 2020 will be an autism positive year. Lots of fun ideas fun posts and informative information.

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Are you a parent who is frightened of your child having autism?… Don’t be and I’m here to tell you why.

Are you a parent who is frightened of your child having autism?… Don’t be and I’m here to tell you why.

During my pregnancy I worried of many disabilitys but not once did autism cross my mind.

After an extremely traumatic birth I was on high alert during early development but again I never thought of autism being a possibility.

At 11 months I realised that it was extremely difficult to get Blakes attention and that he didn’t respond to his name.

It became clear over the next six months he was showing many if not all the signs of a typical autistic child here’s some early signs.

  • Not responding to their name
  • Using Paritheral vision to watch car wheels spinning (he would lay down on the floor to do this while pushing a car back an fourths)
  • Not pointing by 12 month’s
  • No words
  • Not sharing joint attention (Blake might see something but would not at me to see if I to had seen for example a plane in the sky)
  • Not showing objects (typically a child will bring over lots of toys to show you or not bringing books over to read)
  • Late sitting up, crawling or walking ect

For me I just knew. I spent many a nights scanning the Internet for any information to confirm my already fears that my baby could Infact have autism. I cried so many tears constantly and became extremely depressed. I was alone in this black hole and not having any answers and no body who understood. Everybody I spoke to would say “ow he’s far to young to tell” (something which if I hear now said to other new mums with concerns with out a doubts makes my teeth itch!! ) because they are not experts! This is why you have to have an assessment done by people highly trained in a.d.o.s. Autistic diagnosis observational service and pediatricians. Pediatricians are the only people who can diagnose your child with asd. I did however during this time became a fountain of knowledge on asd because I was obsessed especially during the early stages with signs to look out for.

I grieved for the child I thought I wasn’t going to have and then would cry for feeling guilty for feeling that way. I was filled with fear of what autism is portrayed as and quite frankly I was terrified. I thought he would never talk possibly not even walk as he was a very late walker (18.5 months) I feared the worse. My little boy did not respond like other children and was not doing what everyone else’s babies were. I feared I would never communicate or even here the words mum…. But I was very very wrong.

This is my son yesterday playing on the beach throwing sand balls at me and finding it hallarious.

Fast faward to now my boy is 3.9. He is talking and he loves silly games, he laughs so much, he loves it when he hears someone pop and goes errrrgggghhhh stinky bum bum, he loves cuddles and pointing and telling me what things are like boats, or a cat, a cartoon advertising sign for new films, he loves saying his colours, he loves rolling down hills and dancing to his favourite music, hip hop is probably his fav (he has great rhythm this must come from me as it def doesn’t come from his dad lol) he loves reading story’s and making demands when we’re shopping for his essentials. Blake is just like any other 3 year old. With a few added extras in between that with the right support, patience and perseverance, strong boundaries lots of encouragement and engagement we will get there. Your child will to.

Put the work in and you will see results. Some days are harder then others but everyday is different. Some days we are running and some days we take some step back, but what you will see is the beauty in every mile stone because each one is a tiny miracle that you will never take for granted.

Thanks for joining me!

Thanks for joining me!

Let’s do this together.

I am so passionate about helping parents who are in the same position that I once was get the right help and support that they and the child are entitled to.

Early intervention is key when you have autism or suspect autism. This can be started by parents.

Thank you for joining me and I hope that my passion will motivate you into believe in your self that you as a parent know your child better then any one.

believe in yourself.